Does your stanning behaviour depend on your favourite artist? Or your favourite artists music?

I had to do a small scale research for one my modules last semester on anything that I wanted. One day I sat in one of my lectures and they were talking about "fans" and the lecture inspired me. Later on that day I found out that my last coursework for the class can be based on any topic that I want, and since I am a fan of music and a fan of certain artists I wanted to investigate certain fan bases, or as we like to call it "stans". A lot of the people that I interviewed wanted to read the final product so here it is! I interviewed Beyonce, Mariah Carey and Rihanna stans. Check it out and let me know what you think! 

Question: Are fans influenced by defending their favourite artist on social networking sites, influenced by the artist? or because of the artist’s music?

Within this essay I will evaluate my own small scale research project on fandom. I have arranged in-depth interviews with four different types of fan bases. Two of the individuals are fans of Beyoncé; however one is within their late twenties works full time and is female. The other is a male and is 18 and works part-time but doesn’t participate within Higher education. I have also interviewed a female who is 20 years of age who is a huge fan of Mariah Carey. She works part-time and also goes to University. Last but not least I interviewed a 20 verging 21 year old female who is a huge supporter of Rihanna. She doesn’t work at all however; is a student at Birmingham City University.

The reason I have chosen fans of Beyoncé, Rihanna and Mariah Carey is because these artists have a huge, loyal fan base and all of these artists are mainstream and well known. So, I gathered it would be interesting doing a small research project on their fans. Some of these fan bases don’t have a good reputation on social networking/user generated content, therefore I wanted to gain insight into why they behave the way they do and whether their behaviour is based on the music the artist releases or just based on the artist as a person. The reason behind this is because different fan bases act different to different situations, and some feel the need to defend their favourite artist over the smallest things. I have asked all these individuals similar questions and have approached them within a friendly manner  as I’m aware that things can get very hostile / emotional when you speak on someone’s favourite artist.

According to “The Fanatic fan” by Ross and Nightingale, fans can be seen as hysterical along with inadequate and deviant obsessive. Beyoncé calls her fans “The Beehive” (Gomez-Lacayo; 2012) she has categorised different definitions for specific fans. Beehive is the title of the whole fan base, she has categorised her fans and their actions into different sectors such as; 

• Buzz #1 - to stan for
•  Buzz #2 – To stir up something

Then there is; 

• Sting #1 which means to defend Beyoncé 
• Sting #2 means to hate on someone 
• Wasps is what they’ve entitled the Beyoncé haters. 

Beyoncé posted these definitions on her official website, which caused up a stir between her “Beehive” and people who aren’t associated as Bee’s. Beyoncé fans have the worse reputation amongst all fan bases, due to the fact that they like to argue, or as Beyoncé calls it, “Sting #1” with other people on social network sites such as Twitter and argue within the comment section of blogging websites to defend Beyoncé over the smallest of things. Whether it’ll be her music or just her actions as a person or if anyone says anything disrespectful about her “The Beehive” will be defending her. Whilst speaking to one of the female fans that are a part of my research project I asked her why does she feel to the need to defend Beyoncé when people speak negatively of her. She said “It’s because I’ve seen her come from nothing to this huge superstar and I have just got this huge respect for her. I feel like nobody can knock what she does or has done because nobody has done it the way she has.” It was the very similar reaction from the male fan. He felt that there is a need to defend Beyoncé because he’s seen her growth and feels that nobody in the industry can compare to her. Both fans said that they love Beyoncé as a person more than her music, which was rather weird as when the Beyoncé fans defend her they mostly defend her music rather than her being an individual. Furthermore, Beyoncé isn’t as active on Social Networking as other musicians such as Rihanna, so how do the fans feel that they know her as a person if she isn’t as active on the internet as other celebrities? Another comment that both Beyoncé fans made was that they found the songstress very professional and appreciate and value the fact that she keeps her personal life and showbiz life separate. The female fan praised the fact that Beyoncé's career came first; she got married then had children. She went on to mention that she looks up to Beyoncé because of that. Both fans made comments that she is a very good entertainer and believe that no-one can entertain a crowd the way she can. I also found it very interesting that whilst I was speaking to these members of “The Beehive” they didn’t mention their passion for her music; they mostly spoke about her as a person.

Compared to Beyoncé fans, Mariah Carey fans are very mature. We don’t see them arguing with other people on social networking sites or debating back on forth on blogging websites like “The BeeHive”. However, they still have a reputation for defending Carey. Carey calls her fans “Lambs” and they range from the ages of 16-30+. I spoke to a female fan of Carey who is 20 years of age and she had a lot to say about her favourite artist. I asked this Lamb why she supports Carey and she told me that Carey has had an impact on her from a young age. She found Carey beautiful and was infatuated with her from a young age. However, she emphasised that as she got older she took time to discover her music and she says that she fell in love with her music and Carey as a person. She claims that Carey has a song for every situation that she has been through and that’s why she loves her so much.  I went on to ask her, "I don’t see the “Lambs” arguing with people on Social Network sites day in and day out. Do you feel the need to defend Carey since she is your favourite artist?" Her remark was; “not really, I only defend her when someone is disrespecting her as a person. If people don’t like her music I’m not bothered, if they say stuff about her children I’m not bothered either because I know that she [Mariah Carey] wouldn’t be bothered. But if they disrespect her legacy it’s a problem and that’s when I feel the need to defend her.” She also stated that she believes Carey is very humble and modest. It has been said that there is a fine line between “normal” and “excessive” fandom however, when I asked this Lamb if she would sleep outside the hotel Carey was staying for her local concert she declined. She said; “I would spend A LOT of money to see her live but I wouldn’t do something crazy like sleep outside her hotel if I know I’ve got work in the morning. I’m not that crazy!” I also asked her if she thinks that the reason why the Lambs are more mature than the Beehive is because Carey herself is grown and mature and humble? She replied with “Yes, If Mariah isn’t going too stressed over what people say then why should I?”

The next fan I interviewed was a Rihanna fan by the name of Naomi. Rihanna calls her fans “The Navy” or they refer themselves as #RihannaNavy. Once again, they have a reputation of defending and sending vicious comments towards people who speak negative about Rihanna on social network sites and user generated content similar to other fan bases mentioned within this study. As with the previous fans I’ve interviewed, I asked Naomi why she is fond of the celebrity and she insisted that she likes Rihanna as a person. She loves her music but she loves her as a person also. Seeing as I know Naomi personally, I stated that I rarely see her throwing vicious comments towards other people on social networking sites in regards to people speaking negatively about Rihanna and I asked her if she believes it’s because of her age. Naomi is 20 years of age verging on 21; she agreed with the statement of it being because of her age and stated that the younger Rihanna fans do it to show other young Rihanna fans that they can do it. She insisted that fans throw vicious comments towards people who say negative stuff about Rihanna to show off in front of other peers amongst the fan base. This relates to a Schickens theory which says that being a part of a fan base could make an individual feel accepted within a community. Naomi has meet the pop star numerous of times. I asked her if she feels like a stalker with the things that she has done to meet the pop star. She insisted that she somewhat doesn’t feel like a stalker as she has seen other fans go further than extreme to see the pop star. However, she said that; “when you’ve been waiting to see her for so long and you finally meet her you feel like you’ve accomplished something.” Since most of the viciously comments happen on Twitter, Rihanna follows most of her fans on Twitter, in fact Rihanna is following Naomi and Naomi has had conversations with the pop star on Twitter also. I asked her “When Rihanna followed you did you feel or does it make you feel that she knows that you support her and she has acknowledged that. So, you will continue to support her because she is following you on Twitter?” She insisted that her support for Rihanna didn’t get any greater or lesser when the pop star followed her. Rihanna’s attitude is very brutal. There have been times where Rihanna has said hurtful things to some supporters of hers or even people who don’t like her on Twitter or Instagram. I asked Naomi whether she believes that because the way Rihanna reacts to specific comments people make about her, that her fans feel the need to do it also? She agreed with the statement and said “She [Rihanna] doesn’t know how much an influence she has on her fans when she replies to negative criticism. Because they [fan base] see her do it [reply/throw viciously comments] they feel the need to do it also.”

After interviewing these three fan bases I came to a vast conclusion that the behaviour/actions of fans is influenced by the person they support. Most theories which are very dated, class fans as hysterical, stalkers, inadequate or deviant obsessive, passive and linked to potential violence. However, within defence of these theories the emergence of the internet changes ways in which fans can practice fandom. Therefore their theories are still relevant. The Beyoncé fans have been in news reports of a linking to violence over concert tickets (Copsey; 2013). However, not all fan bases are the same. Hopefully you’ll be able to see that the Mariah Carey fan base “Lambs” are very mature when it comes to their behaviour on Social Network sites and defending Carey as a person. Whether this is influenced by Carey’s personal aroma or her music, her fans don’t behave outrageously because that is not within Carey’s character. However, with the Rihanna fans the younger fans behave in outrageous behaviour because they see their role model do it and to show off in front of other peers within the fan base. However, with the Beyoncé fans they defend Beyoncé because of her being an individual and not because of her music. However, when we see Beyoncé within interviews she doesn’t reply to negative comments and isn’t very much active on Social networking sites as Rihanna. Therefore, why does “The Beehive” behave the way they do? We can only put it down to Beyonce encouraging her fans behaviour by posting definitions of the fan base on her website, which made The Beehive believe it is acceptable for them to be outrageous. Overall, the answer to my small scale research project, “Are fans influenced by defending their favourite artist on social networking sites, influenced by the artist, or because of the artist’s music?” is; the fans are influenced to defending their artist by the artist as a person and not because of the artist’s music.

I Remember when I fell in Love with Keyshia Cole...

Before you continue reading this blog post, I just want to let you know that this post is very lengthy and emotional. If you're not prepared for the long read please leave now. I don't want any feedback complaining about how long this post is. I simply will not be listening to it. Moving swiftly on.

I was set an assignment for one of my classes to speak about how I feel about a specific artist or song. So, I've taken this opportunity to share this assignment with you. I've edited it so it's not as accademic as my original document. Hopefully, you all can relate!

I remember like it was yesterday. That moment where my heart finally gave in and came to the decision that Keyshia Cole will be taking the place as my favourite female artist. This is going to get real emotional as I’m about to channel the past and dig into some feelings that I haven’t channelled in a long time. If I make you cry, I do not apologise. If I make you laugh, I do not apologise. Many people always wanted to know why/how I fell in Love with Keyshia Cole and this is the reason why.

At the age of 16 I left school, was on the verge to start college to study A Levels. 16 was that age for me. Everything happened for me at 16. I had my first relationship and my first serious “love interest"  happened. I would consider myself a late bloomer. My friends and a lot of people that were around me at the time lost their virginity when they were between the ages of 14/15 I was still a virgin at 16 and I am VERY proud to admit that! As a teenager I must say that love/sex wasn’t really on the agenda. However, I must throw it out there that when I was between the ages of 13-16 I was a dedicated Christian. Love & sex wasn’t on my mind, Jesus was. I’m being real; ask any of the friends I went school with. I casually had a little preaching session in Mr. Clarke's English class in Year 9.

Anyway, getting back on track; at the age of 16 I would say I came in contact with my first “love interest” (there is a reason why I put love interest in speech marks, I will see if I can get back to that later on...) and I had deep feelings for this person, seeing as they were the first person I was interested in and the first person that I wanted to get into a relationship with. I was young, I was pretty much naive, I mean, this “love interest” thing was ALL new to me. I didn’t know how to act, I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know what time to call them, everything was ALL NEW! It was like I was entering into a new world. Anyway, me and my love interest ended our "friendship" very bitterly. They're 1 year older than me and they were more experienced than I was. I remember one day I came home from school, I was very annoyed. I can't remember what for but I remember ringing their phone at probably 15x in a row until they picked up because I wanted to speak to them so badly. Neither less to say when they did pick up the phone I was presented with

“Why are you ringing my phone 15 times in a row?”

I was highly embarrassed and they told me to fall back because I was acting very clingy. I was hurt by this, I was young, and they were my first love interest I didn’t know how to act. Being the person that I am, I took it as a pinch of salt and moved on, however I was angry as fuck. I could understand if everytime I rang them I would constantly leave millions of missed calls until they picked up, but this was the first and only occassion, but whatever. 

So... I, a 16 year old Virgin, who is highly gassed about having someone interested in them, surely, you all know what that feels like? I can guarantee that we all still get excited at whatever age we are when we find out that someone is interested in us. So, I started speaking to a new friend who also knew my first love interest. However, I didn’t know that they knew each other (please remember this). So, this new friend of mine asked me about my love life, and I told them. Now, my first love interest was VERY secretive. My goodness, looking back now, I now realise how secretive they were. It took them awhile to open up to me, so I knew that me speaking about them to other people would be an issue but I trusted this new friend that I had came in contact with and didn’t think nothing of it. So, I’m sharing my feelings that I have for this person to this new friend, and within the space of 2 days the person I had trusted went back to my love interest and told them some of the things that I had said.

I don’t know what was said but all I remember is my love interest being mad at me for telling them what was going on between us and they instructed  me to never speak to them again (I hope this makes sense). I was very hurt, I liked this person a lot and just the smallest thing of me sharing how I felt about the situation caused us to not speak. I was pretty hurt but not as hurt as you’ll find out later on within this post.

Keyshia Cole! From a young age I knew about Keyshia Cole, before I became a dedicated Christian I was aware of her presence on the music scene. I was following her career when AOL music was very popular and I remember sitting in my room watching her debut video for “(I Just Want It)To Be Over”. I took a liking to her since then. However, If you really want someone to blame for my liking to Keyshia Cole, you must blame my old friend Antonio. He sent me “Heaven Sent” on MSN Messenger and I remember it being my song for the summer back in 2007. But the story gets a little deeper than that.

Going back to being 16, I got into my first relationship. Once again, I was gassed. The relationship was cute, we were both 16, it was just cute. However, the relationship went through a HUGE change when I went to London with church one day and I came back to Birmingham and found out that my partner made friends with bad company. Will someone like to explain to me how in the space of 8 hours you can make friends with someone and change your whole persona? Regardless, It was weird because during the day whilst I was in London with church they was ringing me all day asking me when am I coming home. Then when I came home later that night I found out they were patrolling the streets of Birmingham at 1am with their new found friend, who’s reputation is not very righteous at all. I did not approve of this friendship. The new friend was a whore, and I did not want my partner associating themselves with that sort of person. However, my partner was not hearing it!

There was an occasion where me and my ex were chilling together. I won’t go into detail of what we were doing, but my belly took a funny turn and I was sick. I ran to the toilet and I started vomiting. This was very strange for me because I NEVER vomit and for my belly to take a funny turn like that in the middle of what we were doing was VERY strange. Regardless, I was ill, called my mother, got in a taxi and went home and strangely enough that was the last time I had seen my partner. After that day I realised my partner was spending more time in London with their new found friends than they were with me. Back then Vodafone Family was pretty much dominant amongst us young people and my partner was on my Vodafone Family. For those who don’t know what Vodafone Family is, it’s a little plan that Vodafone (a mobile phone network) put together where you put 3 numbers into a group where you get free calls to those 3 numbers at anytime of the day. However, they also will need to be on Vodafone as well. Furthermore, because my partner weren't calling me as much and was spending TOO much time in London I removed them from my Vodafone Family without any warning. Why the fuck am I paying £5 and you aren’t calling me? Restrict you from the free calling access, yes!

To cut long story short, either on my enrolment to college or on my first day of college, I received a phone call from one of my friends telling me that they’re hearing that my partner is in a relationship with someone down in London. During this time, my partner had came around and we were speaking however, they still were going to London often. They still were telling me they loved me too which really pissed me off. So, I found out this information during the week, me and my partner were still speaking throughout that week and I was acting like I didn’t know SHIT! I wanted to see if they were going to confess to me that they’ve been cheating. You’ve probably guessed that they didn’t tell me they were cheating, so one Saturday morning I

turned on my Sony Ericsson Walkman phone, and sent a LONG TEXT MESSAGE! It was very confrontational and I let everything rip. I saw them later on that week. As stated in my previous blog entry, Birmingham is small and I bumped into them in the City Centre, at night, with their new found friends that were a bad influence. I was still very upset about the situation and it was the first time me seeing them after finding out they had cheated on me. I broke down. I was in tears. Oh my goodness I was a hot mess. I started hiding and shit and couldn't wait for my bus to arrive to take me home, and to make it worse I had to wait longer than expected for my bus because my ex's new friends caught the same bus as me and I didn't want to be on the same bus as them!! I came home crying rivers. I was totally broken. I couldn’t believe they cheated on me, and if I could SHOW you WHO they cheated on me WITH! Oh my goodness, I didn’t know I was THAT bad. I was SO upset and broken. I was 16/17 at that time I was young but broken.

After all the hurt, I didn’t know how to express myself, I couldn’t put into words how hurt I was so I turned to music. I came across Keyshia Cole’s “I Should’ve Cheated” (You all saw that coming). And I also came across her record “You’ve Changed”, because my partner did change. However, there were times where I would sit on a bus and just zone out. I was so hurt, I was distant from a lot of things. I was distant from my friends, distant from my mum, distant from church. I was just distant. I was hurt. This is where Keyshia’s

“Just Like You” album came into effect. Tracks like “Was It Worth it?”, “Fallin’ Out” and my all time personal favourite “Got To Get My Heart Back” were therapy for my soul. One day, I sat on the 11A bus from church one Sunday and just sat there. Didn't move. “Got To Get My Heart Back” came on and I was close to tears, because I really needed to get my heart back to the place it was before I fell in love with my ex. Me and my ex used to fall asleep on the phone together (told you all that it was a cute relationship  and they would wake me up in the morning with a phone call, so when we ended it, it took a while to adjust to the fact that I’m not going to have someone to sleep on the phone with at night, and nobody is going to ring me in the morning to say good morning. I felt like my heart was elsewhere, especially from the unfinished business I had with my first love interest. I just felt like my heart wasn’t where it used to be. However, these two lovers weren't the only people that hurt me. From the age of 16 onwards I just kept on getting hurt by everyone that came into my life. It was a very soul searching time for me and I found it very hard. However, I’d like to say that I stayed strong throughout it all and didn’t do anything stupid. But it was a very DARK time for me. A dark, dark, dark time.

College, Cadbury College. A lot of people loved me during my first year of college. However, the first year of college for me was the worst year of my life. My first love interest was there. We still weren’t speaking and I felt very awkward. However, during my first week or month in College we got back in contact and I was very happy about that because I had strong feelings for this person and didn’t want them to leave my life. We got back in contact and we would text during college and speak/text after college. No, I didn’t ring their phone 15x a day this time around, I learnt my lesson! Then one day... It stopped! They stopped speaking to me in College, didn’t reply to any of my text’s and didn’t returned my phone calls, everything just STOPPED! They acted like I didn't exist when they saw me. They just cut me out of their life without any warning, AGAIN. I don’t know what I did. HELL, EVEN AT THIS VERY PRESENT MOMENT I STILL DON’T KNOW WHY THEY STOPPED SPEAKING TO ME!

I was hurt once again, I just didn’t understand. I didn’t know what I did or what I said but I was heartbroken again. That’s when I fell in love with “I Remember”, because I genuinely believe that my first love interest broke my heart. My ex hurt me but they didn’t break me the way my first love interest did. There was times where I would be in my bathroom in the dark sitting on the toilet, crying singing “I Remember”. I didn’t have anyone to speak to about the situation I just had me and my MP3 player and Keyshia Cole’s “I Remember”. I was also fed up of people walking into my life and then leaving whenever they pleased. I was so, so, hurt. I cannot emphasis on the hurt I was feeling.  However, what I can tell you is that it affected my studies.

I was studying Sociology, Media Studies, Theatre Studies and retaking my Maths GCSE in college then. I failed Sociology terribly, shall I tell you why? There was one moment my love interest looked me in the face before one of my sociology classes and walked straight past me. I went in my Sociology class, sat down with the lesson progressing on and I started crying, randomly. Out of the motherfucking blue. The teacher gave me permission to leave the class and I ran out of college and started walking with tears streaming down my face. I didn't even know where I was going, I was just walking. I was UPSET! I don't know what I did, what I said or anything. I just couldn’t believe what they were doing to me. I couldn't focus on my studies and Sociology needed my full attention, and I couldn't give it because I needed to get my heart back to where it was before I fell in love with my first love interest. I genuinely was not focused on my studies, my mind was everywhere. I was in a dark place once again. Because of them, it took me a while to pick up the phone and call people. Calling people is one of my insecurities, it may sound stupid but I start to think that I'm irritating people when I ring them. If you know me, you'll probably realise that I don't ring you, you'll probably will have to ring me. I never leave more than two missed calls on anyone’s phone. The way they cursed me out after I left 15 missed calls on their phone, I never wanted to call anyone again. It took me a while to text anyone I was interested in first. It took me a WHILE to love again. Some of my church friends thought I was just sinning and that I needed to repent. I wasn’t (well I was) but it wasn’t my relationship with God that was the problem here. I was genuinely heartbroken and I needed repairing. But I got there; I got there in the end. I became strong and I did it. I would see them (love interest) in College, and I still would be upset but I didn’t cry. They would leave me speechless but I became strong and the reason I became strong is because of Keyshia Cole. I listened to “I Remember” and “Got to Get My Heart Back” practically every night and every morning on my way to College. The reason behind that is because I couldn’t put into words how hurt I was, but these songs said everything I wanted to say in a 3 minute record. These songs touched my soul on such a soothing level; I had a connection with Keyshia Cole from then.

However, even after all the heartbreak and tears that Keyshia Cole had dried with her records. I still wasn’t a dedicated fan as I am today. However, the day that I really fell in love with Keyshia Cole was another soul searching event.

So, I had a friend. This friend was a terrible friend! But have you ever had a friend that you know is bad for you but don’t know how to brush them off? Or too scared to let them go because you're scared you may not find a replacement? I was 17 verging 18 at the time, I probably wasn’t as strong willed as I am now. Regardless, me and this friend used to travel to London all the time and ONE TIME, we were in London and he said something that really upset me and I was going through such an emotional time. I’m telling you, the ages 16-18 were so bleak for me.  I don’t even think people around me knew how dark I was back then. Actually, I think they do, a couple of people used to realise that I used to dress in all black back then, but this friend knew how depressed and sad I was and constantly threw it in my face. I was going through an emotional time and was genuinely searching for something, I was still broken about all the heartbreak I’ve experienced in the past and this friend was not positive at all. I had another love interest at this moment in time, who I fell head over heels for, but luckily for them, I have no Keyshia Cole songs to dedicate to that situation, but my friend wasn’t positive towards that relationship or my feelings towards that person at all and that really discouraged me. So I’m in London, we were on a bus, and I don’t remember where or what part of London we were in but I remember sitting on a bus and having my MP3 player on and this song came on. A song that I haven’t heard before. It was one of those moments where your MP3 player is on shuffle and you can't remember all the songs that you have put on the musical device. One song comes on and you're not familiar with it so your ears perk up and are open to hear everything the song has to offer.

Do you know what song it was? Keyshia Cole “Just Like You”. I nearly cried on the bus! Has anyone noticed that I've been close to tears whilst I've been on my travels!? What is that all about!? Anyway, this song comforted me in a way that I cannot describe! I was trying to find me! I just wanted to happy, I just wanted to be me. Conquer my dreams and just do ME! And at the time this friend didn’t seem to understand me and I kept them there because I felt that I wouldn’t find another friend that will understand me at all so they were just there. However, when I heard this Keyshia Cole “Just Like You” song I found a new friend in Keyshia Cole and it was so comforting! The song opened up with these lyrics:

“I’m on the move, and I don’t wanna lose what I came to prove, its’ everything I expect myself to be!”

It follows

“You can never understand how I feel when I’m searching for the words to say. And I don’t wanna be nobody else. Take the time, to get to know me, the real me! And you will see, I’m just like you.”

Brethren, I was so touched. I felt like Keyshia had been through everything that I had been through and just to hear the phrase “I’m just like you” at that dark time was so comforting. It gave me strength, hope and faith that I can overcome all this hurt I was bearing and be happy overall. That day ladies and gentleman was the DAY I fell in Love with Keyshia Cole.

I know many of you have asked, "why do you like Keyshia Cole? She can’t sing!", "Support someone greater like; Beyonce, Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson" I love all these artist’s all the same but within my darkest hour their music didn’t comfort me as much as Keyshia Cole’s music did. However, I must admit that Mariah Carey's "Side Effects" were also a soundtrack to my first love interest story. I felt that I could relate to Keyshia. Even today, I still can relate to Keyshia Cole’s music and what her music has done for me in the past and present will never leave me, because in my darkest moments in my life, there was no friend I could call and speak to about the issues I was facing, all I had was my MP3 player and my Keyshia Cole albums to comfort me.

There we have it folks. It’s been emotional; I’ve teared up whilst writing this. There is more depth to these stories but I’ve tried to keep it brief and I hope I’ve accomplished that.

I remember when I fell in love with Keyshia Cole. 

Take the boy out of Birmingham, But can't take the Birmingham out of the boy

This is an assignment that I had to do for one of my modules called "Creative Nonfiction". I had to research into the city that I am from and write about my connection with the city. I didn't have to choose the city where I'm from, I could've done where I am currently living now. However, I wanted to do my home-city, Birmingham. Don't be offended, it's just how I feel :-).

Birmingham, Birmingham, Birmingham. Birmingham, the city where I grew up, born and raised, that is where I call home. The name Birmingham originally comes from the old English word, Beormingham, which sounds like “boringham” to me. I’ll get into that later. Beormingham means the home of settlement. The city was established during the 6^th/early 7^th century. Considering that my home city is classed as the most populous British city outside of the capital, it still seems very small coming from a resident like myself who has lived there for the majority of his life.

Birmingham suffered heavy bomb damage during World War II, entitled “Birmingham Blitz”. After the Birmingham Blitz the city was redeveloped during the 1950’s-1960’s. This included the development of tower block estates, Castle Vale was created, the Bullring was reconstructed and New Street Station was developed. Following World War II ethnic minorities grew enormously within Birmingham as it began to receive wave of immigration from the Commonwealth of Nations and beyond. Within 1951 the city’s population peaked at 1,113,000 residents.

According to the recent census (2011) Birmingham currently has 1,073,000 residents which is an increase of 96,000 over the previous decade. However, with so many residents living within my home city, why did I feel so alone and miserable whilst living there?

Birmingham is very unique within its own little way. In my personal opinion, citizens that live there are way behind in fashion; they are too stuck in their ways and are very small minded. However, as I travel and meet new people, I find that you come across people like this wherever you go. Regardless, I’m an stubborn individual; it seems more dominant in Birmingham. Speaking of travelling; when I moved to London to experience a better/new life, I realised how backwards and behind Birmingham is.

Don’t get me misunderstood,. I genuinely love my home city. However, whilst I was living there, the people and the atmosphere really dampened my spirit. Maybe it’s down to where I was living? Maybe it’s because of the people I associated myself with? Maybe it’s because I was just genuinely miserable because of personal things that have happened in my life? Maybe it’s because of my work environment? I still don’t know the answers to these questions, but what I do know is that catching the 11C bus every day seeing young mothers the same age as me hackle themselves to get on public transport with a push chair, messy weave and with the cheapest blackberry mobile phone in their hand, began to become very distressing for me after a while. 

The cheap Blackberry phone that every young mother has

There is nothing to do. This is why I call Birmingham “Boringham” because there is simply nothing to do. We have two cinemas within the city centre. Well, we have three however; nobody is checking for that Odean on New Street, it needs a MAJOR refurbishment. If you’re bored on a Saturday evening all you can do is go into the City centre and you’re bound to bump into at least 4 people you know whilst you’re out and about. The city is very small. Yes, there is a strip of clubs you can go to on Broad Street however; you’re bound to see the SAME faces there every week, and for me and my friends we will only end up in a club called Rococo, which is a HASSLE to get in when the bouncers are on their period. I am not here for it.

I’m a very open and broad minded individual. I accept a lot of people for what/who they are. I’m not saying that I don’t judge people because I am human. However, in Birmingham people are very judgemental when it comes to expressing yourself through fashion, through music, through any sort of way that isn’t the “norm”. Well, that's my view on the city anyway. 

It probably doesn’t help that I am a young black boy that doesn’t wear Adidas tracksuit’s and I don't stand outside Summerfield Park every day after school/college. Because that’s what most of them do and this will be classed as the norm to people my age that have grown up in my city. It also doesn’t help that I was probably the only black boy in my neighbourhood that was bumping music from artist’s like Robyn. I bet you, as a reader you aren't even familiar with her!

It’s very safe to say that I didn’t feel myself within my OWN city. I didn't feel comfortable being myself in my own city. Why is that?

I love my road, I love my neighbourhood. You have Bill who lives at #1. He took care of my fish, Tony, when me and my mum went on Holiday to Florida for the summer. I returned from my holiday. Sat down in his house, looked at the fish bowl. The fish in the fish bowl was not Tony. Bless Bill. He realised that I knew that wasn’t my fish and had to break the news that Tony died whilst I was away. R.I.P. Tony! You have Jane next door, she went through a mental breakdown when Ray, her husband, left her to go live with his new girlfriend that he met online, who lives in America in 2003. Ray and Jane had two cars. A LOVELY gold Jaguar car, that was my favourite, I think that car was Ray’s and a blue Mercedes Benz, which I think belongs to Jane. The latter car was ALRIGHT, but didn't compete with the Gold Jaguar. Neither less to say, Ray sold the gold Jaguar to get enough money for him to go live with his girlfriend in America. In case you’re wondering, Ray is back living next door again with his wife and hasn't replaced that lovely gold Jaguar. Don’t chase love, it will leave you broke without a gold car! Then we have Kip. Oh, I hated Kip! Kip and my dad went school together. However, Kip hated it when I used to play my music loud at REASONABLE times in the day. He called the police on me numerous of times. I am not a damn thug Kip! I was so upset with Kip. We used to get along; I used to play with his son Jaz all the time when I was small. Kip broke that bond. Shake my head Kip, look what you did. Kip moved out in 2005 I think. I guess he couldn’t take me playing Keyshia Cole all the time. Regardless, I was a happy guy when Kip moved out. Hearing him and his wife argue was gossip for me and my mother but it was also taunting. That man was RUDE!

This is the look I gave to Kip everytime I saw him.

But despite that, I was still unhappy in my own city. I felt that my city was undeveloped. Considering the research I have just done, my city still looks like it has suffered the World War II bombings. I mean, it’s not as bad as I think it is, but it could be better. I just feel like my city could do with a HUGE revamp. When I moved to a huge city like London I was so amazed at how the architecture is and even in the roughest parts of London, the city still looks 10% better than Birmingham, and even if it doesn't, London has the Underground, Birmingham will never be able to compete with that. Birmingham as a whole looks like a ghetto. This is what depressed me. I just felt like, as an individual, I wasn't going anywhere living in a city that looks like it’s not progressing. I couldn't stay in this city for long. I had to escape. Any way possible I was making a way out. Somebody cue Jennifer Hudson “I Got This”. I played that song when I was on the motorway when I moved out of Birmingham to come to London to study for Uni.

It doesn't help that the only transport to get around in Birmingham are buses and during the summer they are the LAST thing you want to be using as travel. Despite judgemental folk watching what you wear day in and day out. Sitting on a hot claustrophobic bus, with thugs smoking weed and playing music from their phones during high temperatures is not fun. I’ll tell you that now.

Birmingham is going through a vast improvement. They’re revamping New Street train station, and it is slowly catching up with London. Slowly! People aren't as judgemental as they were before. Or maybe I was paranoid? Regardless, things are improving. I do love my city for my family and the little friends I have there. I can’t forget to mention how incredibly cheap it is compared to London. However, I still feel that it needs to improve quicker than it is for me to fall in love with it. My heart is with London because of the open minded people, the transport, the social life, the clubbing life and just the fast paced environment. Did I mention that public transport stops running in Birmingham at 23:50. Mate, if you miss that last bus, you better be prepared to pick up your two feet and start walking! Or find a hole in the wall (cashpoint) to withdraw cash to pay for your taxi back home.

Maybe now, that I have travelled and experienced living in a new city, if I decide to move back to Birmingham I will love it for what it is and embrace it. It doesn't matter how much I hate my home city, you can take the boy out of Birmingham but you can’t take the Birmingham out of the boy!

The reason behind "The Diary of an Imperfect Sagittarius"

Some of you are probably wondering why. Some of you probably don't even care. However, I want to do this just for my own benefit.

Back in the day (lol), I used to have an MSN blog which I used as my personal journal to post my daily irritations. You get the idea - those blogs where you post what you did during the day and what has bothered and what has made you happy throughout the day. 

That blog was when I was 13. I am now 21 years old. WOW! I am currently studying journalism, and to be honest, when I was 13 I didn't think I would be studying Journalism in university. I am being dead serious! However, here I am, a 21 year old listening to Emeli Sande "Live at The Royal Albert Hall" introducing you to my personal e-journal. Getcho' life! 

The reason behind this blog is because as of late I am taking a class (module) for my course called "News Reporting/Creative Nonfiction". Part of my assignments is to keep a journal throughout the year to help towards my grade. So I thought, HEY, I might as well do this shit online since I'm ALWAYS online and I'm ALWAYS near a computer and we are in the New Media age! They better get to know. 

So here it is, the reason behind "The Diary of an Imperfect Sagittarius". The title is totally me, I am imperfect and I am a Sagittarius and this is my diary. I have a tumblr blog called Memoirs of an Imperfect Sagittarius. As you've probably noticed, I stick with the "Imperfect Sagittarius" theme a lot. We can give thanks to the beloved Mariah Carey for that and her last studio album "Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel" which was a soundtrack to my life at one moment. Moving on...

This ladies and gentlemen, is The Diary of an Imperfect Sagittarius. In the words of Emeli Sande, "so put it in all of the papers, I'm not afraid! They can read all about" Read all about the diary of an imperfect Sagittarius. Let’s go!

This special need...

It’s my belief that… We all have the need to feel special. And it’s this NEED that can bring out the best in us… Yet, the worst in us. This need created, The Velvet Rope.